The Hardest Decision I Have Ever Made

This year I made the hardest decision I have ever made and decided to follow what I believe God is calling me to in leaving my full time consulting career at a company I adore to stay at home with our children. While the decision to leave a company and career that I love was an extremely difficult one, knowing that I will not have the opportunity to see my work family everyday was even more difficult to accept. As the day of my “early retirement” draws closer and closer it truly feels bittersweet. While I fully believe this is what God is calling me to do during this particular season of life and am truly grateful for the flexibility to be at home with our children during this season I also feel guilty for saying goodbye to such a great thing. Such a great team, such a great career, and such an amazing company. I decided to write this post to encourage any other parents out there who have struggled with this same thing in hopes that this may be a light of encouragement and help you in whichever decision you choose.

To be very clear and very upfront before I go into greater detail I in no way believe one decision (stay at home versus work) is better than the other or makes you a better or worse parent. I fully believe there are big pros and cons to both and God calls each person and each family to something different. Honestly even during each season of life you may be called to do something different. Whatever decision you make for your family is the RIGHT decision as long as you follow God’s lead. Below is my story and journey on this decision…

In the way only God can as I kept feeling the weight of what He was calling me to more and more on my heart He lead me to start following Elizabeth Hasselbeck on Instagram. Elizabeth recently wrote a book and went on a media tour to promote her new book on her story which included leaving The View to be a stay at home mommy. As I read her story and listened to her on all the talk shows one statement she said resonated with me in such a powerful way that it greatly impacted my ultimate decision. Elizabeth said when she made the decision to leave the View to be a SAHM it was in part because, “I wanted my family to get the best of me and not the rest of me.” The words Elizabeth shared are the words I have felt (and disliked the most) over the last year. As many of you know if you follow me on social media I travel a lot for work. While I LOVE what I do and feel it is very important work I could never shake the feeling that when I would get home to my family I was exhausted and felt like I had very little left to give to them as I was physically and mentally drained. Things that matter a lot to me in life had taken a backseat such as date nights with my husband, time with friends, and time to myself to refresh and refuel. Mom guilt is a powerful thing and I felt that if I was away from my kids during the week I had to make it up to them by spending all my time with them on the weekend. While this is not true it was a guilt that I couldn’t shake.

One exercise I completed that was very helpful in making my decision was writing out the roles I play in life and then prioritizing them in order of how important I thought they were (roles such as wife, mother, consultant, friend, daughter of Christ, etc.) I then made a separate list that listed them based on the amount of time, effort, and energy I was currently giving to that role. It was eye opening and to be honest I didn’t like exactly what the paper list showed. This list in combination with goal setting for our family, digging deep into financials, LOTS of prayer and some great council from some mentors in my life lead us to make the decision we did as a family and with only two weeks left in my full time consulting role I am now at a place where I look forward to what the future holds in this change for our family. I know there will be good days and bad days. And I know there will be many days when I miss my current life. But you know what? That is true with anything in life isn’t it? My hope on the hard days and in the days ahead of unknown is that I can replace fear with trust in Him. I pray I come back to re-read this post and linger on the below…

His plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling may seem blocked, or it may open up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Just when you think you have no idea the time becomes right and the way before you suddenly clears—through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for God presents to you freely, as pure gift. You feel awed by the ease with which God operates in the world, and you glimpse his amazing power and glory. Do not fear your weakness for it is the stage on which His power and glory perform most brilliantly.
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Psalm 63:2
So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.

2 Corinthians 5:7
For we walk by faith, not by sight.

John 11:40
Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?”